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If your kid is unwilling to sit down and eat the dinner you made, you don't offer to make a new dinner or allow the child to wander around the house with his food. The basic premise here is that the focus should be getting your child's needs met, and in any conflict the first objective is to discuss with your child the best way to accomplish this. Ugh. Since this is the age of the kids in several of the examples, this technique is just silly.The fact is, in life, you don't always get your needs (and some of the things described here are not "needs" by any stretch) met before everyone elses.
But if you want your kids to be able to go to school (and understand that sometimes the answer is just "no,"), stay far away from the advice in this book. I am all for increasing communication and understanding between myself and my kids, so I thought I'd check this book out. Can you imagine how this would work with multiple children. But if every conflict with your child turns into a gigantic negotiation, your family is not going to be able to function. This is fine for certain kinds of disputes, but the ones exemplified in this book are just insane.
I'm not offering to make a new dinner for each of my three kids.Furthermore, the style of dialogue the author advocates is far beyond the intellectual grasp of 2 and 3 year old kids, who cannot possibly participate in an extended dialogue about why they should give their friend back the toy they have snatched. You might get away with it for a while if you have one child who is not in school, but add additional children and this will just turn into chaos. This is fine if you want badly socialized kids who don't know how to function in society. Kids who are raised according to this philosophy are going to have a heck of a time adjusting to a world with actual rules and expected codes of behavior. If your kid is being a bully at the park and refusing to let the other kids use the slide, you do not engage in a 10 minute dialogue about her need to monopolize the play equipment vs the needs of the other children.
You explain that the equipment is there for everyone, and if she is unwilling to play by the rules of the park, you have to leave. I consider myself to be a fairly liberal, "crunchy" parent. You are really not doing your children any favors by keeping them from understanding how the world words- sometimes there are rules, and sometimes you just don't get what you want.
I love this book, it really gets you thinking about the way you treat your children. Definetly recommend.
This tiny book has the potential to bring forth world peace.if only every parent read this.It teaches parents to connect with their children with love and compassion. Nonviolent Communication is the ONLY way to save the world and provide hope for peace.
I was excited to read this book after hearing so much talk about nonviolent communication in my local parents group, but I was really dissappointed by some of it.I think that the book is worth reading, and the exercises are worth reading through, but I don't think this is the ultimate way to communicate.In the interest of being practical, solutions can be worked out that honor the childs feelings and desires and respect the kid completely, but don't turn into these drawn out episodes, like the nightmare on the slide.I wish that this book was peppered with a healthy dose of humor, humility and playful parenting and also more practical and adaptive in the situations in which these conflicts would arise.Not every situation or every child should be treated the same, but the book does provide some good starting points, many of which I believe are better sold in books like "How to talk so your kids will listen", etc.
Would you count to three if your best friend didn't do what you asked. Ask the parent of any teenager if counting at them still works. In this powerful and practical little book, that every parent has time to read, Inbal Kashtan teaches us "another way" by brilliantly applying the practice of Nonviolent Communication to the everyday parenting struggles that tempt us to resort to coercion.I recommend Parenting From Your Heart to all parents who are striving to move from parenting through coercion and fear to parenting through love and connection.
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